Getting the News

I don't believe I'm a psychic.  In fact, I would put being forgetful on my list of shortcomings.  I do believe in trusting my instincts and that I have pretty great instincts. For whatever reason, when my dad went for some routine tests to prepare for a minor surgery, I felt a pressing need to call home and check in to make sure everything went okay. I distinctly remember feeling sick when I made the call.  The feeling intensified when my dad answered the phone.  My dad hates answering the phone.

In three very long minutes, I went from the girl planning for the holidays to the girl terrified of the news that her dad has lung cancer.

I curled up on my office floor and texted my work best friend to come see me immediately.  By the time she got there, I was sobbing as I blurted out my dad's results.  She hugged me and cried with me.  I am incredibly lucky in the friend department.

Next, I tried frantically to get a hold of my husband as our five hour drive back to Pittsburgh for Thanksgiving needed to happen sooner rather than later.

I cried as I drove home from work early.  I cried after I got off of the phone with my mom who called to check in on me.  I cried as I held my puppy who didn't understand why we were having a middle of the day cuddle session.  I cried as I poured six terrible tasting shots.  I cried when my brother called after they had broken the news to him.  I cried myself to sleep in the middle of the day.

The beauty of sleep is that it is a respite from the stress, and there is that one perfect moment when you wake up where you don't remember your problems.  Then, there is the moment it all comes flooding back to you in a monsoon.  The monsoon sucks.

If my dad had cancer that required any kind of transplant, I would already be at the hospital demanding that the doctors take what they need.  One of the hardest parts of this diagnosis is that I can't step into the ring for him. I hate feeling helpless which is why I'm blogging.

I want to stress the importance of going in for routine check ups, no matter what age you are.  Sooner or later, I'm also going to be asking for help.  As my family considers what is coming, it becomes abundantly clear that even seemingly simple tasks are going to require outside help: hiring someone to shovel snow, letting the dog out and walking him, even picking up prescriptions.  That's not taking into account the massive insurance deductible and all of the things insurance won't cover.  I want to give my father the best chance he has at winning this fight while simultaneously keeping my mother on solid ground.

My first knowledge of MedGift came from Diem Brown talking about it on a challenge.  I thought it was a great way to help patients.  In the past years, I've made several donations and written letters of encouragement to strangers.  I never imagined there would come a day that I would need to use it.  In the next few days, I will create  MedGift patient account because I believe in the kindness of others.